Confession: My suitemate Lauren is addicted to oatmeal. It doesn’t matter if it’s stovetop oatmeal, instant oatmeal, or oatmeal squares; if it’s a byproduct of oatmeal she won’t hesitate to grab her dirty spoon, water boiler, and other drug paraphernalia to reach that fiber high. Living with an addict is exhausting, and it’s absolutely devastating to watch the monkey on her back affect her cognitive abilities, as Lauren now mistakes every meal for breakfast. Her toxic romance with the sinister-looking Quaker is even more disturbing to watch. Every Saturday night he supplies Lauren with lines of dried oats, only to then steal her rouge and leave her passed out, face down in a pool of her own instant cinnamon sugar filth.
How do my friends and I attempt to intervene? By way of the medical meme, of course. This meme is our first attempt to resurrect the girl we once knew and loved from the pitfalls of this puritanical porridge. Considering how I just felt the crackle of oats beneath my boot as I stepped in the room, the road to recovery will be long and arduous, but undoubtedly rich in fiber.
I laughed out loud multiple times whilst reading this narrative.
GPOYW: Knew that if I took a gratuitous picture of myself during the day it’d be a picture of a sobbing, Anthonyless mess so I took it 12 minutes into Wednesday while feeling really blah/meh/sad/confused/stunned/nostalgic but then it didn’t work cause Anthony’s internet has deep-rooted issues and I can’t replicate that true emotion so I screenshot it and reused it Edition.
Post-tonsillectomy convos with SophiaNotSofia…
Surround yourself with funny people and even shitty times in your life are worth remembering.
Personally not the best morning ever…I know there are no tonsils in the back of my mouth, but there is something, and it came here on a bullet train from Hell. Or maybe that’s just the overly aggressive asian nurse who took my blood pressure, temp, heart rate, and O2 about 12 times last night and force fed me Italian ice when my bp was low. Racist. Rude. Don’t pretend it’s all you have—I saw Popsicles in the fridge, racially elitist bitch. I yearn to walk in the land of the living once again. I’ve taken my last butt needle. Well in a few minutes…but then no more! I’ll miss the hospital grade shit, but at least I won’t blink violently at each tick of the clock anymore.
I’ll be home for dinner mom! Thursday’s spaghetti day!!
Feel good and shit.
Enter Galactic (Love Connection Part 1) - Kid Cudi
27- Blue Scholars. Let it cradle you.
Hannah has just introduced me to The Big Rock Candy Mountains. We are watching it now. Jesus Christ its a fucking journey into mindfuck.
The other day, I was trying to leave my doctor’s office when my car refused to be put into gear. Then I saw a pencil and stuck it in that pencil-shaped hole. Problem solved. Don’t you wish all of life worked like that?
I’m keeping this problem-solving pencil with me, so if you ever see some dude walking around with a pencil in his ear, you know what’s up.
Hannah, this video is clearly based off Tulio’s house this summer.
